what matters most

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Carliles are...revision number ? (I lost count!)

Brittany and I had a long talk about our Carlile Family Identity last night and decided a couple things were still missing. Only problem is...how to add one of them in without sounding bratty. I mean, really? "Carliles Get What They Want"...nope, makes me cringe! And yet we talked about how they've always been taught to go after things the things they want. Talk to the manager, principal, teacher, director. Collect your thoughts. Present your plan. Lobby your cause to the people who can make it happen. ASK. Not in a bratty or entitled way, but with confidence, respect - and earnestness.

It happened again this week - a little thing, but not really. Mark gives his daughters flowers on Valentines Day. He always has. He wants them to know that he is their #1 Valentine - until their Eternal Valentine comes along.

Well, lets just say a certain Provo florist didn't exactly deliver Jenni and Brittany's flowers, but instead, left Mark a message that they'd made an attempt to deliver them, but since no one was home they left a tag letting them know they could come pick them up at their convenience. REALLY? You're joking, right? I said "Give me their number." (Yes, I could hear him rolling his eyes) I called the florist and explained that one daughter had no car, the other gets home later in the evening, and that the "pick up" option defeated the sweet treasure of having your Daddy have flowers delivered to you from three states away, and by the time they could get them - Valentines Day would be over. You certainly wouldn't expect a wife, girlfriend or fiance to "come and get them", and this really should be no different. They explained that the cold weather precluded them from leaving flowers when no one is home, but I explained (which the delivery person had to have known) that they live in enclosed corridored condos, and I gave them permission to leave them...which, by the way, they promptly returned to do. See. Lobby your cause. Get results.

Jenni will soon enjoy the fruits of going after what she wants in bigger way. She will soon finish up her student teaching in 4th grade. Her first choice for her next placement was in the Kindergarten on the BYU campus, but almost a year ago she was told that it was their policy to not allow student teaching placements there. She had several good reasons why she wanted that placement, and, as Carliles do, she went for it anyway. She identified reasons she felt it would be a good placement, lobbied her cause to the people who set the policies, heard thru the grapevine that they might consider it, and then waited....for MONTHS. Well, she texted me this week that her second student teaching placement would in fact be in the BYU Kindergarten!! It really was against the odds, but see...that's what Carliles do. We ask & lobby our cause. I texted her back..."Way to go for what you want...and get it!

That's it! ...~~Carliles Get What They Want~~...Carliles Go After What They Want! (Doesn't sound too bratty, does it?) I have updated our list in the last post to include it...and a couple more. The other two were pretty important to us as well. See if you can find them. This is definitely a 'work in progress', but well worth the effort.

I love being a Carlile. I love having a family identity! And most of all - I love that our children are clear on what that identity is!

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

What's in a Name?

About 5 years ago a long list of trials loaded on the Carlile family plate. One family member was suffering a heavy trial - and doing it all alone. He didn't want to share it with his mom because, as he saw it, she didn't need one more thing to deal with. That was understandable, as she was in the middle of dealing with her own Breast Cancer.

After hitting bottom he decided to share his situation with his mother, to which she immediately inquired WHY he had not come to her sooner. He shared how he didn't want to add one more thing to her plate at the time.

Her response CHANGED ME FOREVER! She replied (paraphrased) "Darn it son! Carlile women are STRONG WOMEN." And then reminded him that family can't help family if they aren't aware when you need them.

"Carlile women are Strong Women!" Wow. How true! They...WE are! And at that moment I began to realize the power in a name. OUR name!

When Mark & I got engaged I thought how excited I was to now, by marriage, have a pioneer heritage. He has ancestors from Nauvoo times, cross-the-plains-with-Brigham-Young times, lose-a-child-at-Winter-Quarters times, respond-to-a-prophet's-call times. I was thrilled that we would be able to pass that heritage to our children.

But on the day that my mother-in-law said those words "Carlile Women are Strong Women", I realized they have a heritage of much more than what their pioneer ancestors gave them. We, as Carliles, have an identity - a family identity. I am a Carlile woman, and therefore I am strong. I live up to that identity of Carlile women. And the beautiful things is...so do my daughters.

So three Christmases ago we took our children on a family retreat. While in Monterey, we discussed and began to compose a list of our own Carlile Family Identity. The list was long, funny, impressive, touching, and more. We posted it on our wall at home. But it still needed some work. Pieces of who we are were missing. I have continued to work it over for a couple years now. Friends have even offered ideas of who they saw us to be, and those things were added.

At last I feel ready to have a Amber create an artistic version of our family identity list, "Carliles are..." to hang permanently in our homes - and our children's homes-away-from-home. (Can't wait to see what she does with it!) But until then...

...this is who we are...as a family...as CARLILES!

CARLILES ARE…

Carliles are Confident

Carliles are Capable

Carliles are Cute

Carliles are Kind

Carliles Contribute

Carliles Create Masterpieces

Carliles Can Count on Each Other

Carliles Make Good Things Happen

Carliles Make Time for Things that Matter

Carliles are Participants, not Spectators

Carliles Go After What They Want

Carliles Keep their Commitments

Carliles Can Make Things Work

Carliles are Happy Campers

Carliles Keep it Real

Carliles Love Life

Carliles Crave Sweets

Carliles are Happy to Help

Carliles Do Whatever it Takes

Carliles are Confident in the Kitchen

Carliles Cover Everything in Ranch

Carliles Celebrate in Style

Carliles Keep Trying

Carliles are Clean

Carliles are Strong

Carliles Love to Laugh

Carliles Can Do Hard Things

Carliles Keep their Standards High

Carliles Love and Follow the Lord

Carliles Care about Eternity

Carliles CAN!