what matters most

My Husband Always Brings Me Roses

2011-03-23T08:37:00.000-07:00

(But they're rarely from the florist)

The first part of this is from an article in the Ensign back in 1988. It captures what I consider to be one of my greatest blessings in life -- the way my husband showers me with roses. You should be jealous, because I married one of those men who gives me flowers DAILY!"

"Growing up as an incurable romantic, I was certain that when Prince Charming came along on his white charger, his arms would be filled with red roses. My tall, dark, and handsome prince would bow deeply, then shower me with the roses before sweeping me away on his trusty steed.

"Indeed, I did find my prince. He was tall, dark, and handsome. But I should have recognized some flaws in my plan when his white charger turned out to be an Arabian bay mare. At first, I was so caught up in the excitement of love and marriage that I completely forgot the roses. Later, though, as daily routine dulled some of the excitement, I began to wonder about the armloads of roses I’d been expecting. Somehow, they kept eluding me.

"True, at the births of our first three babies, thanks to some broad hints dropped throughout each pregnancy, he had remembered the roses—one dozen long-stemmed beauties each time. Then, with number four, his practical nature finally got the best of him, and he presented me with—a cactus! It was a big, beautiful cactus—but still I longed for roses.

"Several completely flowerless years passed. Then, as I was about to resign myself to a life without roses, a wonderful thing happened. I began to see that roses are where you find them, and they don’t always have red velvet petals or long green stems. This prince of mine had been showering me with roses all along. I had just failed to notice.

"When I was young, I foolishly prayed for a life filled with romance. But a wise Heavenly Father has blessed me with something far richer—a life filled with genuine love.

"I thank my Heavenly Father, too, for giving me the maturity to recognize roses where I find them. Support, kindness, thoughtfulness, and generosity may not be the kinds of roses I dreamed of as a romantic young girl, but as I discover and treasure each blossom, I become more grateful for this strong, kind, and gentle Prince Charming who showers me each day with roses.

"One night, I was awakened by the sounds of a sick child in the room across the hall. I called to him, warning him to hurry to the bathroom. But down the hall, I could hear undeniably that he had not been successful. I hurried to his rescue and helped him bathe and change clothes. When I returned our child to bed, I found my prince on his hands and knees, scrubbing the hall carpet. It was only after we had finished cleaning the carpet and had returned to bed that I realized what a lovely rose my husband had just given me.

"Since then, I have found roses everywhere. I love to jog, but my prince doesn’t share my enthusiasm. Still, he will take me miles out of his way to find a new route. Then he tends the children until I return home. It was also my nonathletic prince who gave me my beautiful new running suit.

"I see his roses in everyday loyalty. He hauls my paraphernalia to every Relief Society meeting I conduct. I won’t say he has never complained, but there is always a goodnatured, lighthearted feeling in his teasing. This bouquet of support is one of lasting beauty.

"When my father passed away, my prince again was there, with perhaps his finest rose. My mother was left with a big home and yard, as well as the everyday problems of living alone. My husband took responsibility for two households without a second’s hesitation. And he has done it in such a sensitive way that my mother feels his sincere love and is not uncomfortable or embarrassed by his care. Could any other rose have smelled as sweet?"

This article was written 23 years ago, but I found it a few years later. It was after a time when I had felt so successful in our marriage (all 9 years of it). I was working and had finally figured out the right way to drop the right hint with the right amount of longingness to have my husband send flowers to me at my work for some special occasion. (sadly, I can't even remember which one now) They were gorgeous! I was tickled that everyone finally knew the I had an amazing Prince Charming of my own.

Then along came this article, and I found myself feeling like such a shallow person. It had such an impact on my life, and my marriage. It was 1995, I was working full-time, teaching early morning seminary, and had two young children. I had just gotten a grand idea of teaching 3 Nephi 11 in seminary via a multi media experience - long before true multi-media resources were easily available (unless you're married to Mark Carlile). I remember it was midnight when we went to my classroom at church to set up tape decks, speakers, two vcr's, a projection unit (the giant beast kind), window coverings, mini lights, screens, etc. It took over 3 hours to set it up and make everything work right.

Gratefully, every single element contributed to a very very moving teaching/learning experience the next day. It went exactly as I'd envisioned it. Parents even commented on how that spiritual experience had lingered with their child for a long time afterwards.

At 7am Mark arrived to take everything down (going into work late), while I ran home to take kids to their sitter, and then off to work. That night, and for a few nights afterward, he spent hours putting all the 'gear' we'd used away.

It was about a week later when I came across the article above. I read it, and then I just sat there and cried. I realized that I didn't know a single other person who had a husband who would do what mine had just done for me. I don't mean who 'could' do that. I mean, who 'would' do that. And not complain, or roll his eyes, or do anything but give support and help just because he knew how much it meant to me to be able to carry out a vision of mine.

Then I sadly remembered how important I had thought it was to be one of those women who got roses at work. And why? To 'prove' to others that I had my own Prince Charming. Really? Talk about feeling shallow, and immature, and ungrateful. And so I cried some more.

I can't begin to list the ways my husband showers me with flowers. As my helpmeet. As our children's father. As my partner and 'crew' behind all I want to do. In the way he supports me in my callings (most of which I literally could not have done without him). And how he encourages me to get away at times to Women's Conference, or Girls Camp, or Ed Week, or with friends to be renewed & to take care of 'me'. How he builds with his own hands and talent all the many things I get visions of in our home. How he makes my crazy ideas turn into reality. How he never never NEVER complains, or speaks to me in any way but encouraging and supportive.

If I never see another flower in a vase - I will still forever know I have found my Prince Charming.

Sounds kind of funny coming from an almost 50 year-old, but of all my young girl dreams, this one has, without a doubt, come true!

grrr...

2011-03-23T07:53:00.000-07:00

Can I just complain...sort of...for a minute? I have tried and tried to find a blog-to-book company that can print just my family awards in a hard-cover book. We have done family awards since 2002 and I have used the same layout/format every single year.

When I started blogging, I really wanted a place to share this weekly chronicle of our lives, and especially looked forward to being able to print them annually, as our family journal. So I commited to post all of our awards last year - even though many were late, I remained diligently commited to finishing - because the end result was so worth it to me. I was ecstatic when I was done, but now I can't find a single company who can print them in the layout I want and have always used, with one week's worth of awards per page. I am so .... fill in the blank ... sad, frustrated, disappointed, bummed. I have spent so many (too many) hours trying to find a solution, with no success.

Now I have to decide if blogging is the way to continue sharing our weekly family awards. I want it to be. But that most likely means I will have to change the way I create them. Do I abandon the one page per week printout book I keep at home, that the kids can look through? I hope not - because Cole looks back through them all the time.

But then again - to just use the blog format alone would save SO much time. It's pretty tedious to convert my original award into a format that i can post here on our blog. But...it's tradition. One we've had since just after Cole was born. I don't like messing with tradition. But i may just have to swallow hard and make a change (boo hoo).

The Moulding Process

2011-02-27T14:30:00.000-08:00

A few months ago after sharing a sweet experience with the young adults in an Institute class, I sat thinking about what had just happened. I remembered clearly the overwhelmed and inadequate feelings I had when I received the calling to teach Institute. Yet that night, a few months ago, I felt like every single thing went right. I loved whenever I had that feeling after hours and hours of preparation. In the more than three and a half years I taught Institute, the young adults and I shared some incredible spiritual and learning experiences together. And though not every lesson went like that, by and large I could pretty much count on having a spiritual experience with them every Tuesday night while discussing the teachings and applications of the Gospel.

It was a privilege to serve them, to learn from their insight, and to be a part of their lives. I felt the Spirit in abundance in that calling. Often the Lord would tell me exactly who needed to hear what on a certain night, and so that is the lesson I would prepare. So many of them needed a clearer understanding of the Atonement, and so, as a result of studying it, literally for years as part of that calling, I was personally blessed to come away with such a rich and truly deep understanding of the Atonement myself - in ways I had barely scratched the surface of understanding previously.

Then I thought back to the first calling I had as a teacher in church. I was a very young adult and I was called to teach Spiritual Living in Relief Society in Florida, and I was BAD! It was a struggle/fail experience almost every time. I remember thinking, "Surely I'll never be called to teach again."

Funny how one of my primary self identities now is that of being a teacher. I LOVE teaching! (something I never dreamed I'd hear myself say...ever!) Teaching comes very naturally to me now on many levels. Lessons at church. Music at school. Speaking in church. Substitute teaching as employment. I must concede that the Lord was wise to call me to do something I knew nothing about - as part of my moulding process - to help me discover who He knew I could be, and become who I needed to be to fulfill the mission I was sent to earth to accomplish.

I think back to who I was before having all the many callings I have had in my life. Each one has molded me in an important way. Each one has contributed to who I am today. And I like this "me" much better than the "me" I was before those moulding opportunites. If you stripped away who I have become because of my callings, I would be so unhappy and undeveloped as that person.

Isn't that a common occurance in the cycle of callings in our lives? We go in unlearned and inexperienced, and we come out the other end of a calling having 'mastered' it (except, of course, when I taught RS!) and having become a person more closely resembling our better eternal selves as a result.

I have no idea why I have the new calling that I do. When I was called I instantly flooded the Bishop's office with tears - a lot of them! I think he was caught a bit off guard. I know I sure was. But I submit and commit myself to the Lord's service, and to the service of His children, knowing I will probably have a few more notches carved in my eternal growth chart before all is said and done. And I will thank Him for it. This I am sure of.

6 feb awards

2011-02-24T13:51:00.000-08:00

30 jan awards

2011-02-24T10:54:00.001-08:00

23 jan awards

2011-02-24T10:09:00.001-08:00

16 jan awards

2011-02-24T06:42:00.000-08:00

9 jan awards

2011-02-23T09:24:00.000-08:00

2 jan awards

2011-02-23T07:21:00.000-08:00

Carliles are...revision number ? (I lost count!)

2011-02-19T11:12:00.000-08:00

Brittany and I had a long talk about our Carlile Family Identity last night and decided a couple things were still missing. Only problem is...how to add one of them in without sounding bratty. I mean, really? "Carliles Get What They Want"...nope, makes me cringe! And yet we talked about how they've always been taught to go after things the things they want. Talk to the manager, principal, teacher, director. Collect your thoughts. Present your plan. Lobby your cause to the people who can make it happen. ASK. Not in a bratty or entitled way, but with confidence, respect - and earnestness.

It happened again this week - a little thing, but not really. Mark gives his daughters flowers on Valentines Day. He always has. He wants them to know that he is their #1 Valentine - until their Eternal Valentine comes along.

Well, lets just say a certain Provo florist didn't exactly deliver Jenni and Brittany's flowers, but instead, left Mark a message that they'd made an attempt to deliver them, but since no one was home they left a tag letting them know they could come pick them up at their convenience. REALLY? You're joking, right? I said "Give me their number." (Yes, I could hear him rolling his eyes) I called the florist and explained that one daughter had no car, the other gets home later in the evening, and that the "pick up" option defeated the sweet treasure of having your Daddy have flowers delivered to you from three states away, and by the time they could get them - Valentines Day would be over. You certainly wouldn't expect a wife, girlfriend or fiance to "come and get them", and this really should be no different. They explained that the cold weather precluded them from leaving flowers when no one is home, but I explained (which the delivery person had to have known) that they live in enclosed corridored condos, and I gave them permission to leave them...which, by the way, they promptly returned to do. See. Lobby your cause. Get results.

Jenni will soon enjoy the fruits of going after what she wants in bigger way. She will soon finish up her student teaching in 4th grade. Her first choice for her next placement was in the Kindergarten on the BYU campus, but almost a year ago she was told that it was their policy to not allow student teaching placements there. She had several good reasons why she wanted that placement, and, as Carliles do, she went for it anyway. She identified reasons she felt it would be a good placement, lobbied her cause to the people who set the policies, heard thru the grapevine that they might consider it, and then waited....for MONTHS. Well, she texted me this week that her second student teaching placement would in fact be in the BYU Kindergarten!! It really was against the odds, but see...that's what Carliles do. We ask & lobby our cause. I texted her back..."Way to go for what you want...and get it!

That's it! ...~~Carliles Get What They Want~~...Carliles Go After What They Want! (Doesn't sound too bratty, does it?) I have updated our list in the last post to include it...and a couple more. The other two were pretty important to us as well. See if you can find them. This is definitely a 'work in progress', but well worth the effort.

I love being a Carlile. I love having a family identity! And most of all - I love that our children are clear on what that identity is!

What's in a Name?

2011-02-16T11:01:00.000-08:00

About 5 years ago a long list of trials loaded on the Carlile family plate. One family member was suffering a heavy trial - and doing it all alone. He didn't want to share it with his mom because, as he saw it, she didn't need one more thing to deal with. That was understandable, as she was in the middle of dealing with her own Breast Cancer.

After hitting bottom he decided to share his situation with his mother, to which she immediately inquired WHY he had not come to her sooner. He shared how he didn't want to add one more thing to her plate at the time.

Her response CHANGED ME FOREVER! She replied (paraphrased) "Darn it son! Carlile women are STRONG WOMEN." And then reminded him that family can't help family if they aren't aware when you need them.

"Carlile women are Strong Women!" Wow. How true! They...WE are! And at that moment I began to realize the power in a name. OUR name!

When Mark & I got engaged I thought how excited I was to now, by marriage, have a pioneer heritage. He has ancestors from Nauvoo times, cross-the-plains-with-Brigham-Young times, lose-a-child-at-Winter-Quarters times, respond-to-a-prophet's-call times. I was thrilled that we would be able to pass that heritage to our children.

But on the day that my mother-in-law said those words "Carlile Women are Strong Women", I realized they have a heritage of much more than what their pioneer ancestors gave them. We, as Carliles, have an identity - a family identity. I am a Carlile woman, and therefore I am strong. I live up to that identity of Carlile women. And the beautiful things is...so do my daughters.

So three Christmases ago we took our children on a family retreat. While in Monterey, we discussed and began to compose a list of our own Carlile Family Identity. The list was long, funny, impressive, touching, and more. We posted it on our wall at home. But it still needed some work. Pieces of who we are were missing. I have continued to work it over for a couple years now. Friends have even offered ideas of who they saw us to be, and those things were added.

At last I feel ready to have a Amber create an artistic version of our family identity list, "Carliles are..." to hang permanently in our homes - and our children's homes-away-from-home. (Can't wait to see what she does with it!) But until then...

...this is who we are...as a family...as CARLILES!

CARLILES ARE…

Carliles are Confident

Carliles are Capable

Carliles are Cute

Carliles are Kind

Carliles Contribute

Carliles Create Masterpieces

Carliles Can Count on Each Other

Carliles Make Good Things Happen

Carliles Make Time for Things that Matter

Carliles are Participants, not Spectators

Carliles Go After What They Want

Carliles Keep their Commitments

Carliles Can Make Things Work

Carliles are Happy Campers

Carliles Keep it Real

Carliles Love Life

Carliles Crave Sweets

Carliles are Happy to Help

Carliles Do Whatever it Takes

Carliles are Confident in the Kitchen

Carliles Cover Everything in Ranch

Carliles Celebrate in Style

Carliles Keep Trying

Carliles are Clean

Carliles are Strong

Carliles Love to Laugh

Carliles Can Do Hard Things

Carliles Keep their Standards High

Carliles Love and Follow the Lord

Carliles Care about Eternity

Carliles CAN!

26 dec awards

2010-12-28T10:01:00.001-08:00

19 dec awards

2010-12-28T10:00:00.001-08:00

12 dec awards

2010-12-28T09:59:00.001-08:00

5 dec awards

2010-12-28T09:58:00.000-08:00

28 nov 2010

2010-12-27T10:30:00.000-08:00

21 nov awards

2010-12-27T09:55:00.000-08:00

the cherry on the top!

2010-12-20T07:53:00.000-08:00

i have sung with the temple hill choir on and off for ten years now. not gonna lie - it's a big committment. rehearsing from 6-8 pm every sunday evening up in oakland. but last night reminded me, once again, of why i love it and why no christmas would be complete without it.

we had a joint concert with the sfsu handbell choir. it originally was supposed to be held at the interfaith center at the presido in sf, but about a month and a half ago we learned that we had lost that venue for this year. when i heard we needed another place to perform i immediately thought how awesome it would be to bring this christmas concert to fremont. it worked out that our stake - who always plans fabulous christmas music firesides - had chosen not to plan one this year. so they were open and welcomed us. yahoo! yippee!

when i shared the flyer/poster they had prepared with both choirs they were impressed with how professional it made us look (lol), to which our director, alan chipman, replied - "this is what you get when you do something in fremont. fremont knows how to do things right!"

isn't it beautiful?!

this years musical selections for our concerts were so beautiful. i often found myself hearing them ringing in my mind at random moments. they just stuck with me, and i loved it. the only sad thing was, not having very large audiences to sing them for. attendance at the oakland concerts was disappointing, to be honest.

i just wanted everyone to hear this music. every year singing it makes my christmas complete. for me, personally, it is the most worship-filled part of my christmas season.

i often hear of the great experience the choir has singing with the sfsu handbell choir - but this year was my first time being treated to the experience. is there anything lovelier than the sound of handbells playing at christmas? or anything more intriguing than watching them being played?

well, last night's christmas concert left me floating! i think the entire choir was a bit doubtful when they saw seating for 600 people set up. maybe three hundred would be there...which would be a delightful audience to sing for. but by the first downbeat - seats were filled to the back of the second cultural hall! by far, the largest audience we have ever sung for!

you know, this probably shouldn't be the case, but it's true nonetheless. we sing better for a bigger audience. and last night we sang our hearts out. those melodies and messages just floated and filled the entire building! and i thought..."now THIS is how these pieces were meant to be sung!" (baby in a manger, the shepherd's carol, have yourself a merry little christmas, what shall we give, oh holy night, way down in bethlehem, gentle mary, bells of joy, silent night) it's a good thing that i have a good portion of the music memorized, because i couldn't see my music through my tears on multiple occasions. joyful, spirit-filled, on-a-high tears! and what a treat to sing 'this is the Christ' - and as we always do, inviting former members of the choir up to join us, and to have 10 people join us from the audience who have shared this choir experience with us at some time in the past. this choir has such a family feeling to it, that it was like having family members come home.

the handbell choir followed us, and i felt like a little child taking in their every move and every note as they played. i just didn't want it to end! they were simply magical!

we had the treat of finishing the evening singing our third and final piece jointly with them - joy to the world! when we had sung the final notes - i knew nothing could make me feel more of the christmas spirit than i was feeling at that very moment. my christmas was once again, complete. but this time on an even richer - and more memorable level than ever before! it was truly the cherry on the top of my christmas!

14 nov awards

2010-12-17T06:08:00.001-08:00

7 nov awards

2010-12-17T06:00:00.000-08:00

30 oct awards

2010-12-17T05:20:00.001-08:00

23 oct awards

2010-12-17T05:19:00.000-08:00

17 oct awards

2010-12-17T04:47:00.000-08:00

10 oct awards

2010-12-13T05:22:00.000-08:00

3 oct awards

2010-12-12T10:36:00.000-08:00

26 sep awards

2010-12-12T07:46:00.000-08:00

19 sep awards

2010-12-11T07:36:00.000-08:00

12 sep awards

2010-12-10T06:45:00.000-08:00

5 sep awards

2010-12-09T06:17:00.001-08:00

29 aug awards

2010-12-09T05:32:00.000-08:00

22 aug awards

2010-12-08T06:15:00.000-08:00

15 aug awards

2010-12-07T10:48:00.000-08:00

8 aug awards

2010-12-06T06:51:00.000-08:00

25 jul awards

2010-11-10T16:40:00.000-08:00

11 jul awards

2010-11-10T15:57:00.000-08:00

4 jul awards

2010-11-10T03:03:00.000-08:00

18 jul awards

2010-11-09T10:48:00.000-08:00

these are going to be a bit out of order until i get them caught up...just posting one today

27 jun awards

2010-11-08T07:13:00.000-08:00

20 jun awards

2010-11-08T07:10:00.000-08:00

13 jun awards

2010-11-08T07:07:00.000-08:00

6 jun awards

2010-11-08T07:06:00.000-08:00

pay days

2010-10-05T09:03:00.000-07:00

this morning i got one! a pay day that is! (actually, i got two of them!)

i just got an e-mail from jenni that says it all: "Thanks for teaching me to be a good writer. Thanks for always being willing to edit my papers to death and helping me learn :). It has helped me along the way and continues to help me now. We got a paper back and our CFA's were talking for about 15 mins about how they marked it up a lot to correct a lot of errors and such and how we need to be professional writers. Then we got our papers back and the comment on mine said, "The writing is professional and thoughtful, and well revised and edited. It was a pleasure to read a basically error free paper".

pretty cool, huh?! but to appreciate this you must catch a glimpse of jenni's freshman and sophomore years at college. jenni emailing papers to me, requesting an editor's eye. usually at midnight. ha! not really. more often at 1 and 2 am. we divised a system of sending copies back and forth with coded highlights to keep track of changes, comments, and recommendations. those were some late late nights. sometimes i couldn't see straight, so i'd get up at 4:30 to continue giving feedback to what she'd written thru the night.

but then something happened. it's called her junior year. no more late nights. i probably only saw two papers that year. i enjoyed the restful nights. i enjoyed even more reports of how teachers frequently asked to keep her papers...as examples of what they were looking for, for future classes.

i have to admit, there were times those first two years where i wondered if i was just helping her get a better grade. i mean, by college, can you really change or improve a writing style that much? but one day some very big things suddenly sunk in. like comma usage! the OVERusage suddenly disappeared! strength of content increased. fabulous conclusions finished her papers with 'pow'! and i realized that all those 2 am's were worth it!

i haven't seen a paper now for 2 1/2 years. (except ones i've requested to read out of pure content interest). so today's e-mail about the comments on her paper was a definite pay day for this mom!

oh...but i mentioned two pay days, didn't i? well, maybe jenni was listening to elder holland saturday morning. i just have to say, the second pay day clearly outweighed the first.

oh...and p.s. you're welcome!

higher education

2010-09-27T09:59:00.000-07:00

there is something amazing about how much we learn, the second time around, in our pursuit of education. the thing is, sometimes i think it's the pursuit of supporting our children's education that merits the greater higher degree.

for example, i became an expert oceanographer this weekend, thanks to a project cole had to do for school. we read a lot together, and then i read even more, to learn all i could to then translate it into simple 3rd grade terms. and off to school he ran this morning with all the components he had created for a project he needed to assemble at school, and notes to help him create an informative essay in class. i closed the front door after the routine morning calls of "bye! i love you!" ..."love you, too!" and returned to the table and the remains of his project preparations, and picked up one of the books and just kept reading. this is cool stuff!

a couple weeks ago i was into entomology! cole caught a dragonfly. and suddenly we couldn't learn enough about them. we read, researched and sat engrossed in youtube videos of dragonfly nymphs emerging from their life underwater, to break out of their old skin and become the dragonfly we're most familiar with. well, mr. dragonfly died. but not to worry, two days later cole caught a praying mantis, and back to the internet, insect books, never before watched insect movies in our home library, and pet store we went, learning all we could learn. we sounded like bug nerds, and i LOVED it!

you know those little scout advancement pins boys put on their moms? well, there should be accompanying pins or certificates or diplomas or caps and gown for moms who do it all again...and again...relearning on new levels the many things their children need to learn...and surely much better than we ever did the first time around!

p.s. i do think i'll still leave the math pin for mark, however.

m.i.a.

2010-08-24T05:30:00.000-07:00

i realize that several are wondering if i have abandoned the whole blog thing all together. so this is just a quick note to say...nope! just been on vacation. actually, the biggest deterent to posting here - and uploading weekly awards has been that the hard drive that my pictures go on was finally filled to capacity. and my sweet husband wanted to do work on my computer before installing a new drive. but that finally happened this weekend! so i can now FINALLY upload pictures from the summer. i have temporarily put some on his computer to make room on my camera. but haven't had easy access to any to do awards. so i have just kept lists for our awards this summer - and plan on putting them in print format, and up on this blog - once everyone gets back to school.

for now, i'm enjoying having everyone home for the three short days that jenni will be here. then i will probably be an emotional mess when she and brittany leave on thursday to go back to byu. i have LOVED having brittany home this summer. she brings so much personality and laughter to our home. and i love really catching up with who she is and where her heart is...in person. may i say that i couldn't be prouder of her.

sunday she received her patriarchal blessing. what an experience it is for a parent to hear the Lord pronounce His vision of her and her mission in life. wow. that's all. just...wow! and i realize that while it was great timing for her - taking that fresh with her back to school, it was aweful timing for me - having such a spiritual experience together, seeing your child as a fully developed adult spirit - as lifelong potential, charges, and blessings are pronounced. that's a parent's payday, if there ever was one. realizing that you knew all along that they were an incredibly special spirit, and then having the Lord tell them the same...and more! a sweet experience, to be sure. but then... to have them leave. well, it's all feeling very unfair. and hard. and sad. and - so exciting - for her - all at the same time!

hmmm...i think i'll close before i have to run for a kleenex!
oops! too late!

snapshot of the past month...

2010-07-19T08:51:00.000-07:00

well - so much for getting those awards posted...what was i thinking in my last post? they'll be up...sometime!

i'm back after running non-stop for the past 4 weeks. so much has happened - have to capture some of it here...

first week...

left home before school officially ended - to utah for tyler & bethany's wedding
spent a sweet evening with the whole family together the night before the wedding
wedding/sealing in salt lake temple - pure bliss!
loved picture taking on the temple grounds. especially loved that jenni & brittany were asked to be bridesmaids along with bethany's sister. really meant a lot! (our girls LOVE their uncle tyler!)
reception at 'the point' at the huntsman center in slc - way cool location (what a view!) for an over-the-top fun time! tyler & bethany...so in love! dj enlivened the whole night. won't ever forget him bringing out his own 'village people' (including cole) to act out ymca! such a happy day/night/beginning for a sweet new family.
went to manti & saw the manti miracle pageant friday night (made us all miss oakland temple pageant)
went to sl temple with rochelle to do baptisms on saturday
played and shopped with all the girls - while the boys hit hill af base museum & the mega surplus store
spent time with brian & shelly & fam on sunday (i LOVE family!)

the next week...

went to yw camp with rochelle. a really big deal for me, since i was a faithful camp leader who never missed camp for years and years...but haven't been back since rochelle was born.
and...went as a counselor (which i swore i'd never do again) (silly me) with the sweetest most awesome 7 girls at camp! really! 7 level 1 girls (5-11 yr olds / 2-12 yr olds) who can only be described as PERFECT!
good for me to be there again, at the same camp i grew up going to, and finally breaking the run of missed years there. so fun to share with rochelle. especially good for me to build and strengthen adult relationships (a very big void in my life)

and then the next week...

left a day after returning home from camp for idaho for two weeks.
boating the first day...cole blowing us away with his awesome disk surfing skills...the rest of us having fun tubing
the rest of the week was reception prep by day...and game playing every night!
thursday - went to temple with tyler, bethany & rochelle. tyler baptized me - over-the-top special for me! rochelle did work for a woman who only two nights before had appeared to her friend in a dream asking for her work to be done!
friday - jenni & friend, angie, arrived - and we headed off ice blocking!
idaho reception...exquisitely beautiful! and fun! complete with cotton candy (tyler's only request) and horse-drawn surrey/carriage rides for the kids (and us big kids, too!)
fun fireworks show from evan after the reception

and the last week...

britt and jenni went home to be working girls again
rochelle headed off to horse camp which she has dreamed about and saved for for the past year (actually, she's been dreaming about it all her life!) a week with HER OWN HORSE, 18 other horse-lovers, 4 counselors & an awesome director. yes...she is already planning to return next year!
cole and i just hung around idaho for the week, living in a much quieter mode the week AFTER all the partying, and after half the family was gone.
cole went fishing with gpa - and caught a 14" rainbow trout! (along with some perch and croppie)
had fun helping bethany set up their new first home/apt. loved getting to know her better, and realizing even more why she is the perfect eternal partner for our ty.
drove home alone with cole - kind of a fun experience and sweet time to have together
picked up rochelle at the airport and listened to story after story of horse heaven!
dove right into life at home with a swim meet less than 10 hours after getting home! (amazingly - rochelle dropped her time in 2 of 3 events and cole dropped time in one of his events - pretty impressive since rochelle hadn't worked out in a pool for 3 weeks and cole in 2!)

now...

loving being home, especially having a husband again!
blown away by the growth in our garden (but that's a story for another post)
planning lots of fun for the california half of our summer!

let the fun begin (or continue!)...

boardwalk / beach trips / bonfires / outdoor movies / caverns / boating / hikes / bike rides / swimming parties / weddings (lots of them!) / sf / summer concerts / bbq's / game nights / back yard campouts / craft corner / water candles / tie-dye / sewing / water parks / homemade ice cream / outdoor theatre ... and more!

back from 'vacation'

2010-06-24T07:30:00.000-07:00

well, i knew it would happen. it does every year. i skip a week of awards. then i get behind. then i scramble to catch up, which seems to happen the same week i have too much on my plate. then i leave town, and finally my kids start to say...'what about our awards?'.

i like posting awards weekly on our blog - because, besides being a great way for family to keep up with our life, i know others are checking in periodically looking for them. it has kept me on my toes to not get behind. but...well...ha! now you all get a glimpse into carlile reality.

reality is, our routines aren't always exactly...routine. our reality has also been about sharing some great times with family these past few weeks - which has kept me from the computer. and reality is...i like that break! a lot sometimes! but reality is also my commitment to document our life happenings, accomplishments, and joys...eventually...even if not in the actual moment. so i will be posting the past month's worth of awards in the next few days.

the truth is, i am excited to get them done, as we've had some great times, super accomplishments, and the happiest of happy celebrations that we want recorded for sure! so...stay tuned!

may 23 awards

2010-05-25T04:24:00.000-07:00

extreme make-over...before...middle...and after!

2010-05-18T01:53:00.000-07:00

13 years ago i was pregnant with rochelle and had a SEVERE case of nesting. it began when we were trying to figure out how to make room for #3. problem was, our 3rd bedroom was our office/den. and if you know us, then you know we can't be without a computer room in our home.

as a result of 'making room for baby', nesting 1997 included: converting our garage into an office and raising the floor to match the level of the rest of the house, adding a laundry room out there as well, recarpeting the new baby's room, falling in love with new carpet in room, deciding to recarpet whole house, discovering that old bedroom doors no longer fit over new carpet, replacing all interior doors, and door frame trim, and baseboards, oh...and then prepping a cute nursery. a really cute nursery!

i loved this room...a LOT!

then rochelle grew up, and cole was born, and we just kind of stacked kids in this room.

then, we just acquired more and more 'stuff'. kids stuff. boy stuff. everywhere. and because the room was so small, it almost seemed counter-productive to even attempt bringing order to it. so i turned my back, and acted like it didn't drive me absolutely CRAZY!

(disclaimer: yes, they had their own beds. cole's was the top bunk. his 'stuff' filled the space beneath rochelle's bed)

when brittany left for byu last year, rochelle and cole each got their own room. well, rochelle inherited a darling room brittany had fixed up so cute. and cole got this room to himself. and continued to collect more 'stuff'! after christmas cole got his aunt d's bed. we thought it could serve as a guest room when needed as well. but really? an 80's oak bed, with baby patchwork quilt wallpaper? not to mention the girly dresser. poor kid.

brittany had in her mind a plan for transforming this room into a true blue boys room! so less than a week after coming home from school we boxed everything up, moved it out, and she began stripping wallpaper. (what a dreadful job!)

the walls had to be textured and sealed against mildew. then the fun began! the painting!

she painted much more than the walls. (ace paint; color-june lake). she painted the bed, bookshelf and dresser as well.

well. it all started looking pretty darn cute, if you ask me!

here's what the dresser looked like before (just look at the dresser - not the remodel-induced messy state it was in)

here's what we did with the dresser (you can see one heart still needs to be covered. just wanted to show how well we did changing a cute girls dresser into a true boy piece of furniture).

and finally...here is the whole room. voila!

i especially love how the ceiling color spills over to the top of the walls, and how the black wood trim makes it all tie together & look so sharp!

couldn't love this room more!

may 16 awards

2010-05-18T00:09:00.000-07:00

may 9 awards

2010-05-17T10:47:00.000-07:00

may 2 awards

2010-05-07T04:17:00.000-07:00

motherhood

2010-05-03T05:16:00.000-07:00

i sometimes wish i were more articulate than i am about the things that matter the very most to me. some people have that gift in its most polished form. yesterday i learned that melissa beck has that gift in abundance. she stood to bear her testimony - two weeks after giving birth to her 4th son. she bore a powerful testimony of the blessing of being a mother. i wish i knew how to say the things she said - because i sure feel the things she feels.

motherhood is the greatest and most powerful influence on earth. there is nothing i ever wanted more in my life than to be a mother. nothing. it is the most important thing i do each and every day. i am overwhelmed by the joy it brings me - and the weight i feel in bearing the responsibility that goes with it. it is my purpose and my fulfillment.

melissa told the young women that they are preparing today for the kind of mother they will one day be by the daily choices they make now, and then i loved when she told them to prepare to love their children the way they were loved, or WISHED they were loved.

s. michael wilcox once gave a talk where he shared that his father had abandoned his family when he was very young. years later he was asked to speak in stake conference on fathers. he just kept thinking that he couldn't do that. there was still too much bitterness in his heart. he couldn't understand why heavenly father would deny him such a vital blessing - that of having his father present in his life. the night before he was to speak he was having one of those special moments with his sons. is was sweet, tender and bonding. his heart filled to overflowing with love for his boys. and then the thought came to his mind 'would you rather have been the son with no father, or the father with no sons?' at which point he broke down and wept.

i can't imagine life without my children. my mother, who left when i was five, surely has had the greater loss in her life. and my life is rich...because i am a mother.

apr 25 awards

2010-05-03T04:58:00.000-07:00

let the remodel begin!

2010-05-02T07:19:00.000-07:00

wow! a LOT has been accomplished in the past 4 days. as i mentioned back in jan or feb, it's high time that cole got a room that was meant for a boy, rather than a baby. so this week brittany and i (90% britt, 10% me) started removing old nursery wallpaper that was hung when i was pregnant with rochelle. what a pain! first moral of the story... NEVER hang wallpaper in your house!

anyway, the room is now empty - but the rest of the house is a jumbled mess of everything taken out of it (and i mean EVERYthing). in four days we've managed to remove all belongings, remove all the wallpaper, remove the chair molding, retexture the walls, prime the mildew prone walls, prime and paint his ceiling to floor bookcase, queen bed frame and under-bed drawers, and his dresser. oh yes ... AND his room! we also painted accent trim molding for the walls, and shampooed the carpets. am i ever ready for a day of rest!

monday we should be able to put the furniture back in and then start the lovely task of unloading the boxes back into his room (a great time to sort and purge). then, of course, brittany will begin to 'accessorize' (the fun part). actually, painting was pretty fun, too, because that's when the new look began to materialize. the room went from patchwork pastels, to a deep and bright almost aqua-blue! it is such a vibrant great color. the ceiling and upper nine inches of the walls are white and there's a thin black wood trim separating the white and blue. the furniture is also all black now. we'll be throwing in some red accents as well - as that was cole's only request.

it's fun how updating a single room can update a whole house! (well, i'm trusting that's how it will be once cole's stuff is no longer spread thru every room in the house!) good thing brittany doesn't start work for another week!

p.s. yes...before and after pictures will be posted...soon

apr 18 awards

2010-04-27T06:54:00.000-07:00

apr 11 awards

2010-04-13T15:24:00.001-07:00

d&c 25:12

2010-04-12T08:29:00.000-07:00

last night i participated in a music fireside with the temple hill choral singers. it was our 'i walked today where Jesus walked' fireside. this was the 32nd time we have performed this fireside in the last 7 years. this time it was in concord. we share this all over the bay area, and beyond. we even did a pacific northwest tour two years ago, performing from medford, oregon to seattle, washington.

two weeks ago we shared this fireside up in fairfield. i was so sad that because of prolonged illness and perpetual coughing spells, i couldn't sing. so instead, i ran the slides that accompany the music. it turned out to be one of the choir's most beautiful performances ever. for a while i was so sad that i wasn't singing. but then i decided to just soak in the special opportunity it was to be on the viewing end this time, seeing it as those who are in attendance experience it every time. it's been a long time since i have had the chance to do that, and the combination of the beautiful choir music & voices, the richness and depth added by the orchestra members, the stirring visuals, and the powerful spirit that accompanied all of it, well - it was simply moving.

i thought back to seven years or so ago when i was asked to create the visuals for this fireside. there are nearly 300 slides that accompany the music and narrations. it was a terribly overwhelming task the first time i put it together. a huge undertaking. but as a result of that assignment, and the years of continuing to search, collect and add to the collection, those visuals have become quite literaly a sacred and very holy part of my life. i now have over 1700 gospel-related images on my computer. artwork of the savior moves me in a very unique way.

last week rochelle and i went to a good friday event at a local church, where you move individually, station by station, thru depictions of events of the last week of the savior's life - which give you an opportunity to reflect on how each affects you personally. it was so moving. as we entered the santuary there was an introductory area where a variety of pieces of art of this period of the savior's life were hanging, interwoven with scriptures and written commentary. i stood and wept - looking at some of the paintings. there are no words to describe my feelings for sacred art. i looked over at rochelle, and she, too, had tears in her eyes, and i knew we were feeling the same spirit moving us thru art. there must be a special place in heaven for those who express their testimony of their Savior on canvas.

last night was the first time we shared our music fireside since that special night with rochelle. this time she ran the slides, and i, gratefully, was able to sing again. i soaked in every note of every song. we open with one of my favorite pieces 'majesty and glory'. i honestly cannot think of a single time i have sung this song without it moving me to tears. not once. 'as i gaze into the night sky and see the work of thy fingers. the moon and stars suspended in space. oh what is man that thou are mindful of him?' and on we sang. i sat there in between songs thinking of d&c 25:12 "for my soul delighteth in the song of the heart, yeah, the song of the righteous is a prayer unto me, and it shall be answered with a blessing upon their head". those 17 songs truly are prayers...each one expressing a prayer of my heart - some are prayers of supplication, some of humility, and others are prayers of gratitude, praise and adoration.

majesty and glory / morning has broken / my shepherd will supply my needs / for God so loved the world / as at the river jordan / come unto him / i walked today where jesus walked / consider the lilies / jerusalem the gold / he shall feed his flock / thy will be done / his hands / and then he died for me / where can i turn for peace / all creatures of our god and king / this is the christ / he is the root.

truly, these 'songs of the righteous' have been answered with a blessing upon my head...and upon my heart...and deep withing the depths of my soul. i thank my father in heaven over and over again for this sacred and treasured dimension of my life.

apr 5 awards

2010-04-06T02:37:00.000-07:00

mar 28 awards

2010-03-30T06:42:00.000-07:00

mar 21 awards

2010-03-23T05:45:00.000-07:00

mar 14 awards

2010-03-23T05:42:00.000-07:00

the best of the best!

2010-03-19T10:07:00.000-07:00

for the past two and a half years i have worked with the young single adults (ysa's) at church as an institute teacher. this assignment has led to my falling in love with the best calling in the church, and the most amazing group of young people you could ever meet! truly the best of the best!

BEST calling - i don't know of a single other calling where people come to your class just because they want to. think of it - every other church class is a scheduled part of sunday church, or seminary, or ym/yw. in that way, this is unique. it is also wonderful because class is filled with people who know and love the scriptures. i love that i don't have to say, 'let's see what it says in ezekial about that. ....that's in the old testament, guys, on page...' instead it's 'yah, i love that reference. i also love what paul says in romans about that, right here...'

i loved teaching seminary - 1- because i love the youth, 2- because i feel passionate about teaching from the scriptures, and 3- in spite of the high price paid to teach on that level every day, immersing myself in the scriptures daily was always accompanied by a personal blessing in return. i actually didn't think i'd ever love another calling more.

but then along came institute! some things i love about it? sit back. the list is long!

first, i don't have to put tons of time into 'entertaining' the class to engage them, like you do in seminary. i happen to love that it's in the evening, during the week (not getting up at 4:30 am is a big plus!) i love that those who come know the scriptures, and have a desire to know them better. i love that they come knowing there will probably be something shared that can benefit them in their personal life. i love their maturity. i will struggle when the day comes for me to teach a class again where i have to ask people to be quiet, and focus on the lesson. such a drain of teacher energy. i love that i was told to use the spirit as a guide to selecting class topics, rather than a manual (okay, sometimes it adds a ton of pressure, but by and large - seeking, then receiving promptings from the spirit regarding a lesson, especially when i am told who that lesson is meant for...yah, it's a sacred experience, to say the least) i love that so many of them take notes, that they come expecting something beneficial...and leave ready to apply it. i love that they share with me when a particular lesson has touched them, or made a difference in their lives - via text, facebook, or e-mail. i love the way they actively participate in class discussion. i am amazed at their spiritual insights. truly amazed. i appreciate their honesty. we don't do 'sunday school' answers. it's always much deeper and more meaningful than that. and i love that they come expecting to feel the spirit - a kind of preparation in and of itself - and becuase of that, we pretty much always do.

BEST young people - even separate from institute, i feel such a tremendous love for the ysa's. they are constantly on my mind. so much is on their plates at this stage of their lives. so many decisions. so many options. so many temptations. such willingness to serve. so much self-defining. and so much rides on every decision they make. recently my head has been spinning when i think of their lives, and the many changes that have taken place in their lives in the last two and a half years. let me summarize:

since fall 2007...

105 ysa's have attended institute 2 or more times (that's a LOT of people to have in your mind and heart all the time! and believe me, even when they're away, they're on my mind...and in my heart)
78 have consistently attended at least one full semester of institute
11 ysa's have been baptized
16 have returned from missions
3 of those have left for and returned from their missions from our class
6 are currently serving missions
1 currently has a mission call
5 are preparing for missions
4 are engaged
9 have gotten married
1 is expecting her first child
3 are serving in the military
8 have graduated from college
37 are presently pursuing a college education

i love them like they were my own. i think of them day and night. i try to stay up on their lives, wherever they are. i love watching them progress, learn, serve, grow, and move on in life. and though some feel that growing up is highly over rated, they are doing a beautiful job at it.

take a look at some of them & tell me you don't wish you were me! they make me smile & fill my life with the BEST!

it's too quiet around here

2010-03-11T08:57:00.000-08:00

it's a strange feeling to try to settle into believing that this house with only two children at home will be the norm for a while. a long while. two feels so empty.

maybe it feels so empty now because for years our house was the neighborhood gathering place for play, but now most of our children have outgrown that kind of backyard play; i know it's also because brittany was rarely unaccompanied at home before she left for school. so when brittany left, so did all the people who used to hang here with her. the contrast of going from all to nothing is the pits...if the truth be known.

isn't it funny how when we get what we wish for...it isn't always what we want? sometimes the back to back to back activity kept me in such a spin that i would just wish for a day with nothing going on. just one please. i kept wishing for a little quiet time in between all the rush and fun to just breath...or clean up!

now i have all the time in the world (so to speak. not really as much as i thought i would). anyway, i have quiet time every day when my kids leave for school. i could have the cleanest house in town now - but who wants to spend all their 'free' time cleaning? ha! i always thought if the world slowed down my house would be so perfectly clean and orderly and organized. yah...right.

years ago a woman gave a talk in church entitled 'this too shall pass'. i don't know about you, but i can't remember who spoke on what in church last week, let alone over 3 decades ago. but hers has stuck with me all these years. maybe because i'm now living...and watching younger moms, too, live what she taught.

she talked about living with patience thru the things we struggle with, as they will surely pass. after she went thru all the stages of life with an example of the things that are hard and make us weary that all eventually pass, she went back and reviewed all the good things in life that are also temporary - and pointed out that they, too, pass. like the creative date nights when you're starving student/newlywed, or the joy of having a baby to snuggle while having to get up exhausted every two hours to feed them, or the joy of all the gathering of children that takes place in your home while you search for a quiet moment to yourself. when the struggle of that stage passes, so do the parts that bring us joy - often never to return again.

the six year gap between brittany and rochelle allowed me to see what passed too quickly in the first two girls' early years, and lead me to treasure more fully those same things in my next two children's lives, realizing that these things - while often accompanied by challenges (i mean really, who actually enjoys any aspect of potty training - except the result at the other end of that struggle) are moments & experiences that i may not have realized would pass so quickly.

so...what has 'passed'? here's a timy sampling of moments that are now just memories.

rubbing babies' feet while i nurse them; snuggling each child on my lap; being the loud & proud mom at soccer games; giggling little girls; dressup...lots and lots of it; acting out swan princess; the sound of the flute; dune buggy trips; the magic of christmas when everyone believed in santa claus; massive beach umbrella forts - complete with twinky lights (i know i complained about them...a lot...but i really miss them); barbies; daily gourmet lunches with brittany between school & work; tickle fight dog piles; kids on the swings in the back yard trying to kick the purple tree; jumping on the trampoline with the elmo water sprinkler underneath; sisters helping each other look cute; and an infinate number of other things.

makes me want to take stock of the joys of today that i may just be overlooking, and enjoy them more fully.

in the mean time...what to do with this new 'quiet' stage of life? haven't really figured that out yet. probably should just enjoy it...for surely, it too shall pass!

mar 7 awards

2010-03-09T05:14:00.000-08:00

feb 28 awards

2010-03-03T08:47:00.000-08:00

boys aren't so bad after all!

2010-02-25T10:35:00.000-08:00

when i was pregnant with jenni, i prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed for a little girl. literally. i told heavenly father i knew she might not come first, but asked for some little inner assurance that 'one day' i could have a daughter of my own. my mom left when i was 5 - and though wonderful women filled my life and that slot in my life - i still wanted my very own mother/daughter relationship. so the day jenni was born i wept and wept and wept for joy. i had a little girl of my very own! less than two years later i found myself in disbelief to learn that i would once again be blessed with a girl. i thought i'd already received my blessing.

by this time i was sold! girls were the best thing on earth. and when rochelle came it just reinforced all those feelings all over again!

well - it's confession time...

after having girls, i decided i NEVER wanted to have a boy!

i was so perfectly content with girls, and pink, and playing house, and dress up, and cooking together, and singing, and decorating things, and snuggling, and loving babies, and soft sounds, and creativity, and pretty pretty princesses, and mommy and me time, and loving school, and taking pride in neat work, and giggles...

i had no interest in raising a child of the blue variety (ask jan skubal - she heard me say it countless times!)

well, i have had to re-eat those words SO MANY times in the past 8 years, i'm starting to choke.

as i sat at a cub pack meeting last night (another thing i can't believe i'm doing now) and looked at this mini 'sandlot' group of boys, i just laughed inside.

who would have thought i could feel so crazy about having THIS in my life?

or this...

(these are boy shoes - 6 weeks after purchase - thanks to a recess-addiction to two-square last year)

i have said over and over that cole is the reason we smile every day.

who couldn't with this guy in your life?!

i have learned that even with boys life is full of snuggles, singing, creativity, cooking lessons, mommy & me time, loving babies, and...laughter.

it is also full of dirt, mud, tools, balls, rock-filled pockets, anything with wheels, anything with motors, anything that makes noise, anything that flies...or can be made to fly, anything that can be built...and destroyed, and anything that can serve as an outlet for their mighty super-hero powers...complete with sound effects!

one things i was not prepared for was how much it would fill my heart with joy to watch my son be his father's shadow. and i had no idea it would make me love my husband even more - knowing that if the shadow could grow up to be anything like his dad, well, some mother's wishes for her daughter will one day come true.

thank you heavenly father, for blessing me with what i thought i did not want...or need.

he has changed my life...for good!

feb 21 awards

2010-02-22T07:26:00.000-08:00

lasting life lessons

2010-02-22T05:39:00.000-08:00

a couple of years ago i had an article published in the new era - youth church magazine. last night jenni asked me about the article - so i decided to re-read it. i've decided i want to share it here because i learned something very important from a great bishop. a lasting life lesson to be sure.

"20 Things I Like About Who?"
Growing up, I often heard people in church say, “Families are forever,” and I’d think to myself, “Sure. If I lived in so-and-so’s home, that would be easy to say.” But I did not come from an ideal family background.

I was adopted and an only child. My mother was an alcoholic, which contributed to my parents’ divorce when I was five. My father raised me alone from then on.

I joined the Church on my own when I was in fifth grade, which introduced the challenge of being the only member in my family. My father supported my participation in the Church to the extent that it helped him in his efforts to raise a moral, drug-free daughter.

By the time I was in high school, he was gone on business trips the majority of the time. He left every Monday morning and came home every Friday night for all but five weeks one entire year. Several families in our stake had opened their homes to me at one time or another when my father traveled.

However, there was one major problem. The more time I spent in these good, Latter-day Saint homes, the more my own home life seemed to fall short. Great Mormon families doing what seemed to be all the ideal things a family should be doing surrounded me. Inside I was frustrated and even dissatisfied.

About this same time my father began to challenge me about the things I believed. When he started to attack my testimony, I felt I just couldn’t take it anymore, so one day I went to see my bishop. I must have wanted someone to side with me or give me sympathy because (as I saw it then), my dad wasn’t as great as other dads since he wasn’t a Latter-day Saint. My bishop said he’d be happy to meet with me the following week after church, but he wanted me to do one thing before our meeting: to go home and make a list of 20 things I admired or appreciated about my father.

I was sure he hadn’t understood why I’d asked for this meeting. Didn’t he realize that I was having a problem because there was so little to appreciate anymore? But fearing he was half-serious, I made half an effort. After a half hour, I only had five things on my list. I figured that proved my case, and tucked it in my scriptures for my appointment with the bishop.

When I returned to the bishop’s office the following week, he invited me in and immediately asked if I’d completed my assignment. I told him I had started and showed him my short list. He responded by telling me that he’d be happy to discuss anything I wanted, at length, but first I had to complete my assignment. He asked if I would like him to reschedule an appointment for the following week. Anxious for some relief from the many pressures I was dealing with at home, I made another appointment and left.

Saturday night rolled around, and I realized I still hadn’t made the list. I decided I’d better do it if I was going to get anywhere with the bishop. Then I remembered a conversation I’d had with a friend that week. She asked me why I didn’t seem emotionally “messed up” because of my parents’ divorce. I thought back on how much effort my father had made to keep me out of the center of the ugly part of the divorce, and, while talking to my friend, I realized for the first time what a tremendous gift that was. It became the first sincere thing I’d written on my list.

Then I remembered how hard my father had fought to keep me in a time when fathers were rarely granted custody of their children. I thought how different my life would have been if I’d had to grow up with my alcoholic mother. Tears of gratitude streamed down my cheeks. This too was added to my list.

And the list grew on and on. At nearly 1:30 in the morning, I looked down at my list of 69 reasons why I felt so blessed for the wonderful father Heavenly Father had given me.

After church the next day my bishop invited me into his office and asked how my week had been. I told him it had been a good week, and that I wasn’t really sure there was a reason for us to meet any longer. When he inquired as to why—though I hated to admit it—I told him it was because of “the list.” I pulled out my list and shared with him what a wonderful man my father was.

My dear bishop taught me one of the most important lessons I have ever learned in life: we all live with imperfect circumstances, and it is up to us to make the most of the situation we are in. With my dad, I had to decide whether to focus on the majority that is good or the minority that could still use a little improvement. My bishop helped me realize the power of focusing on the positive things in my life. new era, june 2008

time for a change

2010-02-19T06:04:00.000-08:00

i can't wait until brittany comes home for the summer. she is my painting enthusiast! for my birthday one year she painted my living room the great adobe red color it is now. two summers ago i was gone for a five day temple hill choir tour, and when i came home she had totally painted her own room, leaving daisy yellow in the dust, and taking on a bold (and i mean bold!) hot cranberry'ish deep pink color. i had no clue she was going to do it - and in the time i was gone she had taken her room apart, painted it (like 3 coats too, cuz it's dark & bright) and had it all put back together. could be risky with some people, but brittany has an amazing eye for color, and all things aesthetic, so it totally worked...and i didn't have to deal with any of the chaos of a torn up house while it was happening.

can you say 'win-win'? well, do i have some projects waiting for her!

challenge #1: poor cole lives in a room right now that any mom of a baby girl would adore! the pastel patchwork wall paper with pink sponged molding and mini valence that took my breath away as a nursery for rochelle just isn't cutting it for my car-driving, bakugan-playing, rock-collecting, lego-constructing boy. great part is...i've been put on notice to not start the bedroom make-over until britt gets home. ha! think i'd cross that one? think again.

so while looking for truly BOY colors that would work with all the white book shelves that are already built in, and white dresser that's not getting replaced, i found this at pottery barn. (not the room, just the color) bamm! sold!

challenge #2: while keeping my eye open for bedroom ideas, i found another pic that inspired me to take on re-doing the bathroom while she's home as well. i have very light pinkish tinted cabinets in the hall bathroom. hard to find a paint color that works in there. besides, who wants to redo the accents for something they don't much like in the first place? (me either) but then last night i found this!

i LOVE it. never thought of painting my bathroom cabinets black. and those blue walls - so soothing! mark would roll his eyes, but britt will take this on in a heartbeat! ooo! i'm so excited! like i said...hurry home! it's gonna be a GREAT summer!

the fam (minus mom & dad...as usual)

2010-02-17T07:50:00.000-08:00

this was our family picture for 2009 - which we couldn't even take til 2010...the day before the girls left to go back to byu. it totally threw off the whole christmas card letter thing...but oh well. i love how this pic shows how grown up each child is getting to be - especially rochelle.

my girls

2010-02-17T07:46:00.000-08:00

i love this sister picture taken in january - no comment needed...just love it!
ok...well, maybe i could note that this wasn't originally taken as a sister picture. cole is actually in this picture below britt, but he looked so goofy i almost didn't get the picture. then the girls pointed out what a cute sister pic it would be, if we just cropped him out. the lady in the shop just laughed...then obliged!

family wall of fame

2010-02-17T07:41:00.000-08:00

i issue weekly awards to our children. it is a family tradition we started in 2002. these awards are a wonderful way of journaling the little (and not so little) things in life. each week an award sheet with each child's recognition is printed, shared at fhe, and then kept in a book for that year. our kids look forward to finding out what they have been recognized for each week, and love looking at past awards for a little trip down memory lane. it has also been a great tool to help me not let a week go by without acknowledging their unique goodness, their accomplishments, and memories made that we want to always remember.

unfortunately i got off track after jenni had been away at school for awhile as it got harder to come up with things for her each week since we weren't there to see her life unfold. big things i got - little things were harder. so i started to keep a log going with weekly entries, but was inconsistent in printing up awards basically because i didn't have every child's box filled in. dumb! dumb! dumb! weekly awards are now on my "do-agains" list (see january 18 blog) no reason why the children who are home shouldn't still enjoy this log of their life and fhe highlight.

i also thought it would be great to include our weekly wall of fame awards on our blog so we can share them with family who are far away, and to add to the family journal element of our blog. (and maybe to assure that there's always something to regularly add to our blog)

so here are the 2010 awards to date. i'll post them weekly after this.

feb 14 awards

2010-02-17T07:40:00.000-08:00

feb 7 awards

2010-02-17T05:00:00.000-08:00

jan 31 awards

2010-02-17T04:44:00.001-08:00

jan 24 awards

2010-02-17T04:33:00.000-08:00

jan 17 awards

2010-02-17T04:05:00.000-08:00

jan 10 awards

2010-02-17T03:40:00.000-08:00

jan 3 awards

2010-02-16T09:48:00.001-08:00

sounds like life

2010-02-04T19:58:00.000-08:00

so i started this blog - then never shared the fact that it existed with anyone. i'm not really sure if anyone will be interested in my personal musings on life. well, if you're reading this, that means i pushed thru my hesitation and shared...if not - well, it can just be my little secret unloading space! (who knows what i'll do after hitting 'save' tonight)

what matters to me right now? well, for starters, i texted my husband today and thanked him for asking me to marry him <3 that really has made all the difference in the world in the life i feel grateful to be living.

at times life can feel like one challenge after another. right now our challenge seems to be 'broken' things. in fact i was so overwhelmed by all that is broken around here that i made a list of them last week. don't know why - maybe to get a grip on what needs to be tackled - and in what order. dumb idea. seriously. i don't recommend it. it actually just became a source of discouragement. just a few items on the list: broken water heater, broken dishwasher, broken kitchen drawer, broken honda clutch, broken jeep something or other, broken seal on bay window, broken fence boards, broken boat seats, broken bar stool, nearly broken leather on couch, broken leather seats in car, broken shower head...need i go on?

the other day i was working on pulling myself up out of my list-induced funk, when i remembered the chorus to a song that really says it all ~ the song is 'sounds like life to me' by darryl worley. even if you don't like country music, it's worth a listen. i like the song, because after a man unloads all his woes on his buddy, his friend responds..."sounds like life to me, it ain't no fantasy, it's just a common case of everyday reality. man i know it's tough but you gotta suck it up, to hear you talk you're caught up in some tragedy, but it sounds like life to me'.

well - if there's one thing i've learned in life - it's that NOone's life turns out the way they thought it would. so yesterday as i was praying, i asked heavenly father to help me put things back in perspective and get a grip on lifting my spirits back up. and you know...He did. as i thought of all that was broken, i realized that the really important things are not. i have neither broken children, nor a broken marriage, nor broken faith. and with those things in good shape - well, let everything else crumble if it will. sounds like life. i'm grateful to see again how blessed mine is! everytime i hand wash my dishes, or trade off the one working car with mark...i will feel blessed.

new years...do overs & do agains

2010-01-18T07:07:00.000-08:00

this year is all about 'do-overs' and 'do-agains' rather than resolutions. after as many years as i've been setting resolutions, i realize they just seem to recycle themselves...so this year i'm focusing on...

#1-'do-overs'...those "if-i-had-a-chance-to-do-it-over-i-would"... because i believe life is, in part, about 'doing over' until what we do actually works for us & those in our closest circles. i don't know a mom who doesn't wish she could do-over or do-better, a few things with her children. and with our two-halves family (one half gone to college/one half still at home) i will try to do-over and do-better as a mom with those still under my wing.

#2- 'do-agains'...i find it takes a conscious effort on my part these days to do-again (and again and again) happy hollow, bike rides, snow trips, easter egg hunts, play grounds and parks, cooking lessons, chore training, sewing instruction, after-school crafts, and family awards. far easier to get into the "been there, done that" mode, but must remind myself - cole and rochelle probably haven't. so this year i will focus on JOYfully doing...AGAIN!

me? a blogger?

2010-01-15T09:11:00.000-08:00

well - it was bound to happen...me joining the realm of bloggers. i love to read others' blogs - most of whom have no idea i'm reading them. i love the insights it gives me into their soul. into what matters most to them. into their life - as it is happening. and above all, i think i love the family journal it becomes. so my new venture for the new year/decade is to see if this will work for me. wish me luck as i venture into sharing 'what matters most' to the carliles ... or at least to THIS carlile.

--jonna